


Ace Sailors and Mermaids

by orphan_account



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ace Aziraphale - Freeform, Asexuality, Aziraphale is human, Crowley is a mermaid, Headcanon, Mermaids, Nonbinary Crowley (Good Omens), Other, Sailors, They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24763384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In the tales of fishermen and sailors, nothing is more dangerous than the singing of mermaids, seducing the hearts of unsuspecting men, with their beauty, promises of love and...crepes?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 47





	Ace Sailors and Mermaids

**Author's Note:**

> This is a headcanon I was thinking about, got to long and I just had to post. There is no real plot, I'm just enticing myself. Sorry, not sorry.

It all went down like a lead balloon. 

He had said it a thousand times already. He was fine with the things the way they were. He was fine with the paperwork, and the maths and keeping account of the demand, and the books and the supplies. At home!

But his brother had insisted it was already time to be an active part of the family business, which he was, considering all things, including the fact that Gabriel wouldn't be able to even be able to raise the sails if Aziraphel had not placed an order for new parts in the previous month. Nonetheless, for his brother, to be part of the family business meant isle himself in a fucking boat for months and call it fun times.

On the first day, he was sick. For a whole week, He spent more time hanging on the side of the ship throwing up than doing anything else (and, truthfully, there was not much more to do than look at a suffocating blue that seemed to never end). Later, Michael "accidentally" dropped his books at sea. Two times. Probably because they forgot the one Aziraphale kept under his pillow.

And then the rain came.

The thunderstorm poured so intensely that, for a moment, Aziraphale thought that God must have had decided to break the deal with humanity and just drown everybody. For a whole unfortunate night, his brothers and the rest of the sails forgot about the ship's course and the merchandise, just trying to keep it from turning upside down and becoming their submarine graveyard. Meanwhile, Aziraphale was trying to keep himself from puking his internal organs inside-out, keep out of the way, and don't fall overboard when no one would notice. 

When the first sunshine rays came in the morning, everything was calm chaos. The merchandise was mostly okay, but, most of the supplies were ruined or have been taken by the raging sea. They were lost. And the worst part! Aziraphale's last book, the only one he had been able to hide from Michael's mean fingers, was soaked beyond repair!

Thank good, Gabriel (supposedly) knew how to guide them with the help of the stars. They would end up somewhere (or die trying) anyway, right? The ocean couldn't be that big... Unless Aziraphale's supposition about God's will was right... Then, they would be in trouble, because they didn't have one pair of every kind of unclean animal (unless he could count his brothers).

However, in the late afternoon came a pleasant surprise.  
…

A piece of land appeared on the horizon. An island (and not a very big one) rose from the sea in answer to their prayers. A way to discover where the fuck they are or, at least, replenish food and water.Gabriel congratulated himself for his navigational skills. They were safe!

"It's clearly cursed". Came the voice of reason.

Ligur has been working for their family for a long time, even before they were born. He knew things. Aziraphale was totally ready to agree with him and ignore the place. 

"Don't be silly, Ligur" Gabriel chuckled. "What makes you think that?"

Ligur almost facepalmed, signaling with open arms all the carcasses of shipwrecks that multiplied morbidly around them.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "They must have just had bad luck with the rocks and storms. Or they didn't have a captain as good as me." He blinked, smiling.

"Or it was a sea serpent!" Michael added, laughing. 

Ligur grunted, knowing it was impossible to dissuade these people from their stupidity. Kids these days had no respect for the ocean anymore.He shook his head, searching his pockets.

"What are you doing over there?"

Ligur didn't listen, filling his ears with too much cotton. 

"Taking precautions for the mermaids. You all should."

Gabriel laughed, and Michael followed. He didn't believe in mermaids. Or in sea monsters. Or in curses.

Aziraphale didn't know what he believed or not. He just knew the place felt weird. There was no wind, but the ship was moving. The water seemed clean, shallow, and probably even hot. However, there were no fish to be seen. The island was silent in the distance.

Gabriel decided it was the perfect opportunity for him to prove his value to the family. Go to the unknown island, announce our presence, look for freshwater. Come back. In another situation, Ligur would be the first to volunteer to go with him, but today he seemed to prefer to chain himself to the pole. 

So, he had no choice but to paddle his small boat to the beach.

The land was apparently uninhabited. He couldn't trust himself to go too far in the tropical forest and get even more lost. But there was no one to be seen. No people. No animals. No birds. Just a tomb-like silence to be heard. 

Oddly, an impressive collection of human bones washed over the shore. Probably from all the wrecks. There were a lot of sharping-looking rocks around. he tried to pretend it didn't give him chills. A little crab using a human skull as a shell walked past him. He tried to take it from a positive point of view. 

He found a stream near enough. He was able to carry some of it to his boat with no problem. Maybe they could spend the night on the ship and come back in the morning for more.

He was starting to push the little boat back to the water when he saw a thing. He couldn't be sure, because he was too far and even covering his eyes with a hand the first rays of sunset were too bright to be able to see clearly, but he was almost sure Michael had just jumped from the ship.

"Michael!" He screamed, but there was no wind to carry his plea. 

However, the air was filling with a weird buzzing sound.

Aziraphale shook his head trying to stop it, but somehow it just got higher, circling him. Suddenly, his mind was filled with offers of his favorite foods, descriptions of the most enticing types of pasta, chocolate dripping from cakes, the sizzle of butter melting into freshly baked bread...How could a sound have a smell? His mouth watered. And then something emerged from the water.

The thing had fiery long red hair and a bronzed skin pointed with freckles, their golden slithered pupils were locked in his, hypnotizingly. They rested their hands on the wood, pressing their breasts together and smiling warmly. Aziraphale blinked confused. The thing blinked too. Their features started to change to something more masculine. Aziraphale was not less confused. He crawled backward, dropping a pitcher of water. 

The thing gave him a sharp-teeth smile. And when they opened their mouth, the sound started again. Pastry filled with cream, cookies baking, boiling tea, freshly made crepes...

"I am sorry, did I just said crepes?"

Aziraphale’s stomach rumbled.

The thing laughed. "Yeah, I did! That's new."

"Hum, why? If you allow me to ask?"

"All these dudes just think about sex and riches. It's nice to see something different for a change. The last one just jumped out of the fucking ship in less than a minute!"

"Oh, no! That one is my brother! Is he okay?"

They seemed to stop to think for a moment and then his brother was roughly delivered to the little boat, crashing the rest of the water, by a giant snake-like tail.

"Might have drowned him a bit. But he will be fine. Probably."

Aziraphale’s lips opened and closed in awe. 

“Are you a mermaid?”

"Name's Crowley" The mermaid, Crowley, smiled.

"Aziraphale." He smiled back.  
…

Aziraphale came back to the ship for a distressed Gabriel -who would never admit he had to be restrained by Ligur's legs to be stopped from throwing himself in the ocean as well- and a relieved Ligur. 

He waved back for his new friend, who was very happy to point the right way they should follow to the next shore. Turns out, they were generally just trying to take people out of his home but they were normally very dumb and ended crushing their ships in the rocks and he had to take them -although sometimes he did drown some people who tried to hurt or take advantage of them, what happened more often than not. And he was pretending to drown his brother and Aziraphale thought it to be fair- to friendly waters. 

At the end of the day, Aziraphale did find his place in his family business: Not only finding a new and more lucrative course that was rarely used because of the dangerous monsters that lurked these waters -which were actually very polite and just wanted to mind their own business- but also receiving the respected reputation of being the only man capable of resisting the seduction -again, just minding their own business. Everyone likes to sing okay? It's not their fault that all of you can't keep your dicks for yourselves- of a mermaid.

And Crowley would be very happy to let them cross and maybe even make a short stop to collect fresh water on the island, as long as they could spend some quality time with someone who was not seduced by his powers, just appreciated his presence for a change.

**Author's Note:**

> If someone wants to adopt the idea and right something actually good, send me.I'd love to read.


End file.
